Some times I hate me!

Seriously, I dislike myself on many occasions. Some times it's just because I'm mad at myself because I didn't accomplish something. Other times it's because I find myself just a lazy piece of poo. Many times it's because I am just overall upset at my life and what goes along with it.

This time it is because I haven't accomplished something. I set out to do the 30 day photo challenge on facebook. I did pretty darn well the first week, but since then I've been horrible. I've gone at least a day or two without posting a picture. I'm mad because I want to follow the rules. I don't want to finish it because I caught up at the end of the thirty days.

I've found that my biggest problem is that I am a true perfectionist. If you are looking for what I believe is a true perfectionist I will give you mine definition. A perfectionist is someone who has to accomplish everything absolutely perfectly. A true perfectionist is an individual who believes that they have to accomplish everything absolutely perfectly and if they don't they give up. Giving up means that they really didn't try in the first place, which sends the message that if they didn't try it means they didn't seek out for it in the first place.

I am what I believe to be a true perfectionist. The last few times I tried out college again I got distracted by the fact that I didn't get straight As. By straight As I mean As, not A-s. When I don't accomplish my extremely high goals for myself I tend to give up. That just means that I don't have to be perfect anymore because I'm not doing anything.

This week is our time with the kids. Sadly enough, I am going to try to be the perfect mother with the perfect children. This means that I am going to try to rid them of all of their manner problems and occasionally, their complete disrespect for adult authority. It is going to be difficult, but these three children has so much potential and are beautiful, wonderful, outstanding kids. The biggest problem is that after it only takes me four days to get them back on track, then they are going to go back to there mom after a week of being the kids that everybody wishes there kids were like. Their mom doesn't care at all about manners and respect. She has none as an adult, so why should children have to worry about it?

This has been my biggest battle for over four years now. I met Jay's children when Joy was 6, Jannah was 4 (almost 5), and Justice was merely 3 years of age. First we spoke on the web cam. This was because Jay lived in Illinois and I lived in Hawaii. Sean and Joy also spent a great deal of time talking and playing games on the web cam. They, still to this day, talk about playing games with each other over the camera.

It's wasn't until April of 2007 that I decided that I would personally introduce myself and Sean to Jay's children (and Sean to Jay). We flew to Chicago for this and also because one of Jay's and my mutual friends were having a baptism for their son. This was a perfect opportunity for us to meet. Also, my mom, dad (technically step-dad, Dean, but he's my dad), older sister, Laurie, and Vaughn, my nephew decided to come to the Chicagoland area. This of course was quite the experience for Jay and his children. Not only was it the first time for the kids meeting me in person, but they were also going to have to meet my parents, one of my sisters, and my nephew.

Things worked out perfectly. After the first few days there Sean and I left traveled on to Jay's townhouse (my family went back to Michigan). We didn't have the entire time with Jay's kids, but when we did it was much more comfortable. Also, Jay got me back for the meeting the parents and sister thing by subjecting me to his entire family. It was Justice's 3rd birthday party and I got to meet Jay's parents, two of his siblings, his Aunt Debbi and Uncle Danny, and his Grandma and Grandpa Kruger.

We had a ton of fun, even though I felt I was not welcome at all. Saying that, later on (I mean years later) Jay's mom told me that she and her mother feared that I was like Jay's ex-wife. I told her I didn't talk much just because I was scared. I guess some of my shyness has continued on from my childhood.

Since then I got to meet Jay's Great Grandma Eastham, who passed away in November of 2008, just a month after my Grandma Covieo's untimely passing. Irene (Great Grandma Eastham) was one spunky lady. I loved sitting with her, Melody, Grandma Nancy (Jay's Grandma Kruger), Aunt Debbi, and Mary just chatting away. She told me some seriously funny stories, which I will have to share another time because if I do it now I will have nothing to blog about later.

Over the time Jay's family and I have become quite close. I actually relate them to my mom's side of the family, which is who I relate to most. They can be loud. They can be rude. They can occasionally hurt another's feelings. They can be giving. They can be caring. They can be stubborn. They can be overall annoying. But through all of this, they are loving. They love you for who you are. Yes, they may want to change certain things about you, but they will never change the true person you are.

This description applies directly to my family as well. I love the Reed family get-togethers which have at least 50 people on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter (wow, funny enough I never really thought of myself as that religious, but I always make sure Christmas comes before Easter. Life before death, right?). Us Reeds are loud as loud can be. But, for some reason, we all understand all of the conversations that are going on around us. I love going to family get togethers and having to sit on the floor or on a stool. When my cousin Chad, who is like a brother/best friend to me, introduced me to his girlfriend, Theresa (now his wife) I knew immediately she would fit in. Also, I believe, after only knowing her for a weekend, I thought of her as one of my best friends. I could picture her as a child doing the things that Melissa, Chad, Christopher, Shane, Gina, and I would do. More often Melissa, Chad, Christopher, and I. I hate to say it, but when you have a family as big as ours cliques tend to form.

I'm hoping that I am the Theresa to Jay's family that Theresa is to mine. I love hanging out with Jay's mom. Yes, I said it, I really like my soon to be mother-in-law. Melody is a wonderful person with an exceptionally large heart. I am proud to say that I am not only her son's fiance, but hopefully one of her good friends.

Wow, sidebar note, this blog has turned into a novelette. I didn't think I would end up writing so much about how I don't like me. Actually it ended up about how much I like other people. With that thought I am going to conclude. I believe tomorrow's post will be similar to these, in the family sense. I think I will blog about my mother (she's going to kill me!).

Where did yesterday's blog go?

Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot to blog yesterday. Instead I was sitting around being lazy. I've turned to being lazy yet again. I have to get off my butt. I haven't worked out in over a week now and I'm going to have to kick the kids off the wii so I can.

Yes, I said I have to kick the kids off the wii so I can work out. I've found that using the wii fit game is the only way that I get myself to do any type of working out. I actually find it fun (and challenging at the same time) to see if I've improved or gotten worse. It's also quite fun to do some of those challenging yoga stretches. I've found myself laughing out loud at myself as I'm attempting to do the dancer. If you don't know what the dancer is I will tell you (I guess even if you do know you're going to have to deal with me telling you too). The dancer is when you stand on one leg (let's say right), take your left leg and bend it behind you. Then you grab your left foot with your left hand and pull upwards. While doing this you are extending your right arm out straight in front of you, which allows you to slightly lean forward. Your left leg is bent at a 90 degree angle behind you. So you pretty much look like an awkward swan from swan lake. I believe that is probably another reason why I laugh while doing this stretch. I'm picturing feathers in my hair and a tutu.

So, what I have been doing is watching movies. The night before last Jay and I watched Pirates of the Caribbean (the first one). I just was in the mood for action and comedy and what better to provide me with that than Pirates? So of course, since we watched the first, last night we watched the second installment, Dead Man's Chest. This one is definitely more action packed than the first, but for some reason I believe this is my least favorite of the three. I think it is because at some points it just becomes too much.

I do have to admit I absolutely love a few scenes. The first is when Jack and the crew are separately being chased by the island tribe. The second is the Kraken scene on the merchant ship. The third is the scene where Jack, Will, and Norrington are fighting and not paying any attention to what's going on around them. Then, of course, there is the scene where the Kraken attacks the Black Pearl. Definitely, I think the Kraken was the best role in the film.

So, tonight I believe we will watch At World's End so I can see Jack going crazy in Davy Jones' Locker and all the sand turn to crabs in order to move the Black Pearl. Plus I love Jack the Monkey.

Charlie Sheen and Kraken

I don't really have to much to blog about today. Maybe it's because my blog yesterday was so extremely long.

Today hasn't been too bad of a day so far. We went to lunch with the family and as always Wednesday lunch is always a big thing. Of course Melody was there, minus Mary because she was babysitting. Debbi, Jay's grandpa Paul, Marilyn and Stan, and then Jeni and her girls. Plus of course Jay, Sean, and I. It's quite a bunch that make it out for lunch. And all just to sit around, talk, and eat fattening food.

Nothing else exciting happened really except for the fact that I actually got followers on twitter than aren't friends or family. First was the Kraken Rum. If you haven't tried it I highly suggest you do. I always was a Captain Morgan fan, but now that has changed. Also for only about $19 for a 750ml bottle you really can't go wrong.

My second follower was @warlockjunior. This is a page set up for those who are trying out to be Charlie Sheen's #TigerBloodIntern (yes you notice that I am using twitter names and hash tags here). I sadly didn't make in on to round 3, but Jay has. It looks like he is one of about 300 individuals who have made the cut. Not too bad considering there were over 2 million applicants initially.

Then of course was my favorite thing that happened today. Charlie Sheen, username MrCharlieSheen on YouTube, sent me a friend request on YouTube. I guess that I am going to have to make some videos now.

Well, that is all for my boring life today. I hope to see you all again tomorrow. If not then shame on me.

Libya

I have some strange opinions about war. Many people don't understand them. I believe a lot of this is because I spent 10 years as a soldier in the United States Army. So today I'm going to talk about my opinion on what we are doing starting another war with yet another middle eastern country.

First off, I believe this has been long coming. Why is wasn't done over 20 years ago when Muammar Gaddafi admitted to involvement in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 I don't know? I guess it was for the same reason we didn't take out Osama Bin Ladin after the first attack on the World Trade center in 1991, or after he attacked the embassies in Africa, or even after he bombed the USS Cole.

Muammar Gaddafi is basically the same as Saddam Hussian was to his people. He is a tyrant who controls his people by fear with very few individuals who actually support his outrageous beliefs. Now, on a side note, I have many thoughts on the taking out of Saddam, but I believe this should be saved for another time.

Now on to my second point. Obama, only after pressure from other countries, has joined in on an allied forces air attack against Libya. He has stated though, that no ground troops from the United States will be moved there to perform a ground assault. First off, why did he cave under the pressure if he truly doesn't believe in this assault? Secondly, why doesn't he prepare our troops for the possibility of another ground war?

I am very much angered by this entire situation we have been subjected to. I am angered, not because the United States is involved in another war, but because we have been involved in this war with uncertainty.

Now on to my third point, and honestly, this is the reason that I started writing this blog post today in the first place, is why do we always find excuses for why our leaders bring us into these wars. The American people criticized George H.W. Bush for leading us into war with Iraq because of a basically unknown country, Kuwait. Why were we getting involved? The answer was to help out a country in need! Then the American people criticized George W. Bush for again bringing us to war against the same man his daddy did. So many things were said about him. He was trying to finish the job to make his father proud. He was doing it because of oil, which everyone believed is also why his father did it. Nobody thought to look at it at the viewpoint of the people of Iraq needed our help because they had no leadership guiding them in the right direction against this horrible man.

So now we finally get to Obama. What is the American's people excuse for him going to be? Personally, I like he's doing it because he wants to prove to the American people that he's not Muslim. I know that is going to come up quite a bit. Then there is going to be he felt the pressure from other countries in the United Nations. I think that is a little more believable. What do you think some of the excuses are going to be?

I personally don't believe we should be getting our hands dirty with another war. I do believe though that if there is somebody who is calling for our help we will give it to them. No I do not believe that we are the world police, but I do believe we have been a strong nation for so long because we are built on democracy. If the majority of the people of a country want this for their country too, but are unable to do it for themselves why can't we help them out? Now I do also believe that the Libyan rebels are doing pretty well on their own. Just last night when one of our own F-15s went down and the pilots had to eject it was the Libyan rebels who rescued one of the men and ensured that he was returned to the Americans safely.

On that note do they really need our help? And if they do let's go in there and give Gaddafi hell. Let's show them what the 82nd, 101st, all our Ranger Battalions, Special Forces Groups, and Delta Force is for. Give him hell like Audie Murphy and SGT York. Bring on the pain and let my infantrymen kick on their asses! HUA!

#tigerbloodintern

Well, maybe I'm not good enough or maybe, hopefully (fingers crossed) they haven't gotten to my application yet.

The reason why I say this is because Jay got an e-mail about two hours ago stating he has been selected for round 3 of Charlie Sheen's tiger blood internship this summer. He and I both submitted applications and were both selected for round 2, but so far he's the only one who has made it into round 3. This internship is to work on Charlie's social media for the summer of 2011.

I'd love to be chosen, but I do know that Jay has much better experience for something like this. It would look great on his resume considering he is trying to get started as a web developer. Me on the other hand am just a stay at home mom with a dream.

I guess I could say that I'm not lying about being upset that I haven't been considered, but hell, you can't have everything.

Sorry for not being here yesterday. It was a long day full of napping and spending time with Jay's Aunt Debbi and Uncle Danny. We had a great time and didn't get home until after 10:30. Dinner was awesome. Thanks Debbi and Danny for having us over. It's our turn now so I will have to think of something super yummy to cook you.

Maybe I've become an actual Blogger!

Yeah, I completely doubt the title of this blog. I think that I have just had a good week, but most likely by the middle of next week I will forget to blog again.

Today's focus: My sleep pattern. Or should we say my extreme lack of a sleep pattern. As of the last two weeks I've barely gotten more than two hours a sleep a night. But finally last night I slept for about 14 hours. I don't want that to continue to happen. If only I could get at least 4 to 5 hours every night I think that I will be okay.

Well, my brain is still completely fried and I can't think of anything else to blog about so it's time to stop boring you all. See you tomorrow I hope.

Good Day to you!

Well, I've been on a roll so I have to blog today even though truly I have absolutely nothing to say. Let's just say that St. Patrick's Day hurt me very much. No throwing up, but barely remember what time I went to bed. It will be quite a memorial St. Patrick's Day. I'm just going to leave it at that.

Today I am going "Green"

Like I would actually become completely environmentally conscious? That's a silly thing to believe. I'm from the great state of Michigan where gas guzzling cars are made and continue to roam the potholed streets.

I'm going "Green" for St. Patrick's Day of course. We've already made it a point to have Jameson, Guinness, and Bailey's in our home for this lovely occasion and I'm not going to lie I'm drinking Bailey's in my coffee this morning. I think in celebration of this wonderful holiday I am not going to do anything today. I'm just going to sit and drink and waste my day away until I have to go to Keri's birthday party tonight and celebrate St. Keri's Day. Then possibly have a drink or two out on the town. Doubt that though because we have little munchkins who need to go to school in the morning so I'm thinking Grandma and Grandpa aren't going to want to watch them for the night.

I am totally looking forward to this weekend. I'm hoping to see a couple of old friends while I am home to see the great Bay City St. Patrick's Day parade. Saturday going to hang with family and who knows what Sunday will include.

So to all people who think drinking is bad I am going to ignore you until next week because I have a feeling that alcohol will be running through my veins until Monday morning.

Good day to you all and drink a green beer for me and don't forget to kiss an Irish fool. Love you all!

Let's say it together, "Three days in a row!"

Okay, I know that there must be something completely out of whack to make me actually utilize my blog three days in a row, but I kind of like it. I've always liked writing and it wasn't until I was a little bit older that I actually got kind of good at it. The biggest problem is I don't always write down what is in my head. Sometimes I think of these great little things and say to myself, "I need to write this down." This always happens about the time I go to sleep. I think my mind is most active when it isn't supposed to be. And of course when I say to myself, "I need to write this down," I always follow it with, "I'll remember it in the morning and I can do it then." I must take advantage of my brain even if it is inconvenient to me. So saying this I am going to finish writing now. I shall await the moment when I have a pretty cool thought and I will pick up my notebook and try to find a really cool pen (I love gel ink and different colors). Then I will let the writing flow. Until then I am finished.

What's up?

When I wake in the morning and I step outside

I take a deep breath and I get real high

Screaming from the top of my lungs

What's going on?

And I say

Hey yay yay yay Hey yay yay

I say Hey, what's going on?

Yes I would desperately like to thank the 4 Non Blondes for that wonderful song. It makes me think about how happy I am when I sing it during karaoke. Yes, I do sing karaoke, and no, I'm not very good at it.

This morning has so far started out absolutely wonderfully. Jay actually got up without much trying from me and was on the road early to run a few errands. Me, on the other hand, do not want to leave the comfort of my bed and lap-top and go work out. So actually blogging two days in a row is my excuse for being lazy.

So what should today's subject be? Yesterday it was friends and love. Today it should be my complete and total hatred of the employment situation in America.

I don't see myself as a stupid person. Yes, I don't have a Bachelor's degree and no, I'm not going to school anymore to improve on that. This being said I do at least have an Associate's degree and ten years experience in the United States Army. You think that would get me somewhere. Well, I hate to break it to all of you out there who think veteran's get a free ride, but we don't.

I can't get a job even at the local gas station because they tell me that I have too much experience. Well, too much experience is better than nothing so give me the gosh darn job!

And of course it doesn't help that I really can't explain what I did in the Army to most people because a big chunk of it was classified. All I really can say is that I talked to local nationals while I was in Iraq and tried to get intelligence information from them. From there I reported the information and if it was substantial some infantrymen would be sent out to take care of it. Other than that I can tell them I was a glorified secretary wearing a uniform. And let me tell you, I'm one damn good secretary, but I can't even get a job doing that.

Well I believe that is all for today. Let's end it with the real 4 Non Blondes

OH I forgot

I guess in addition to my earlier blog I want to add a video that Jay's younger brother Ethan shared with me on facebook. It is absolutely wonderful. Of course, if you're not a Charlie Sheen fan this does not apply to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg7Ub09gPg4&feature=player_embedded

Yes, I know!

Yes, I have to admit I'm not much of a blogger. No, it does not mean that I don't care to share my view with all of you. I guess that I have found that it is much easier to have numerous daily status reports on facebook and twitter than it is to actually blog my extremely boring life to you. But it does not mean that I don't love my very few blog followers that I have.

Life has been extremely boring as usual. Things have gotten a little more interesting because Jay and I have finally had over a month of having absolute total happiness and bliss. It's not that we haven't always loved each other and known that we are going to be together, but there was much uneasiness over the last few months. I believe most of it has been because of the extremely difficult financial situation we have been in.

I have found that for the last month and a half I have been much happier than I have been in a long time. I can't understand exactly why, but I have a few ideas what could be causing it. I do know that I am truly enjoying this time without depression. I never realized how truly depressed I was until the last year or two. I know I have had periods of depression throughout my life, but never realized how much it truly effects me.

I've always thought of myself as an extremely happy person, but I've found to realize that it is more a show for others than it is true happiness. I believe that I may have ruined many relationships because of this and I am not going to let that happen anymore.

My biggest concern right now is my relationship with Jay. I love him more than any other person I have ever been in a relationship with. A great example of this is the fact that we have been together for five years. I never had a relationship for even half of that time before.

I'm also happy that I have mended many relationships that I ruined early on in my life. I have found friends that I had lost in high school and have realized why they were my friends in the first place. Kelly and Stephanie are two wonderful examples of this. Even though we only speak through facebook I have found that I look forward to their posts everyday. It makes me remember what absolutely wonderful people they are. Also to my many Army friends I have kept in contact with. If I still speak to you, even if it is only a few times a month, I do truly appreciate the friends you are to me. There are only a few that I truly feel this way about and that is Dibben, Brandon, Miranda, Gary, Adina, yet another Miranda, Spiro, and Maldy. I may not tell you all, but I truly cherish your friendship.

Well, I believe that is all. I'm going to go and play on facebook and watch some tv. I'm also going to keep my fingers crossed for Jay or I hoping one of us moves on to phase three of Charlie's internship.