Yes, I know!

Yes, I have to admit I'm not much of a blogger. No, it does not mean that I don't care to share my view with all of you. I guess that I have found that it is much easier to have numerous daily status reports on facebook and twitter than it is to actually blog my extremely boring life to you. But it does not mean that I don't love my very few blog followers that I have.

Life has been extremely boring as usual. Things have gotten a little more interesting because Jay and I have finally had over a month of having absolute total happiness and bliss. It's not that we haven't always loved each other and known that we are going to be together, but there was much uneasiness over the last few months. I believe most of it has been because of the extremely difficult financial situation we have been in.

I have found that for the last month and a half I have been much happier than I have been in a long time. I can't understand exactly why, but I have a few ideas what could be causing it. I do know that I am truly enjoying this time without depression. I never realized how truly depressed I was until the last year or two. I know I have had periods of depression throughout my life, but never realized how much it truly effects me.

I've always thought of myself as an extremely happy person, but I've found to realize that it is more a show for others than it is true happiness. I believe that I may have ruined many relationships because of this and I am not going to let that happen anymore.

My biggest concern right now is my relationship with Jay. I love him more than any other person I have ever been in a relationship with. A great example of this is the fact that we have been together for five years. I never had a relationship for even half of that time before.

I'm also happy that I have mended many relationships that I ruined early on in my life. I have found friends that I had lost in high school and have realized why they were my friends in the first place. Kelly and Stephanie are two wonderful examples of this. Even though we only speak through facebook I have found that I look forward to their posts everyday. It makes me remember what absolutely wonderful people they are. Also to my many Army friends I have kept in contact with. If I still speak to you, even if it is only a few times a month, I do truly appreciate the friends you are to me. There are only a few that I truly feel this way about and that is Dibben, Brandon, Miranda, Gary, Adina, yet another Miranda, Spiro, and Maldy. I may not tell you all, but I truly cherish your friendship.

Well, I believe that is all. I'm going to go and play on facebook and watch some tv. I'm also going to keep my fingers crossed for Jay or I hoping one of us moves on to phase three of Charlie's internship.