Some times I hate me!

Seriously, I dislike myself on many occasions. Some times it's just because I'm mad at myself because I didn't accomplish something. Other times it's because I find myself just a lazy piece of poo. Many times it's because I am just overall upset at my life and what goes along with it.

This time it is because I haven't accomplished something. I set out to do the 30 day photo challenge on facebook. I did pretty darn well the first week, but since then I've been horrible. I've gone at least a day or two without posting a picture. I'm mad because I want to follow the rules. I don't want to finish it because I caught up at the end of the thirty days.

I've found that my biggest problem is that I am a true perfectionist. If you are looking for what I believe is a true perfectionist I will give you mine definition. A perfectionist is someone who has to accomplish everything absolutely perfectly. A true perfectionist is an individual who believes that they have to accomplish everything absolutely perfectly and if they don't they give up. Giving up means that they really didn't try in the first place, which sends the message that if they didn't try it means they didn't seek out for it in the first place.

I am what I believe to be a true perfectionist. The last few times I tried out college again I got distracted by the fact that I didn't get straight As. By straight As I mean As, not A-s. When I don't accomplish my extremely high goals for myself I tend to give up. That just means that I don't have to be perfect anymore because I'm not doing anything.

This week is our time with the kids. Sadly enough, I am going to try to be the perfect mother with the perfect children. This means that I am going to try to rid them of all of their manner problems and occasionally, their complete disrespect for adult authority. It is going to be difficult, but these three children has so much potential and are beautiful, wonderful, outstanding kids. The biggest problem is that after it only takes me four days to get them back on track, then they are going to go back to there mom after a week of being the kids that everybody wishes there kids were like. Their mom doesn't care at all about manners and respect. She has none as an adult, so why should children have to worry about it?

This has been my biggest battle for over four years now. I met Jay's children when Joy was 6, Jannah was 4 (almost 5), and Justice was merely 3 years of age. First we spoke on the web cam. This was because Jay lived in Illinois and I lived in Hawaii. Sean and Joy also spent a great deal of time talking and playing games on the web cam. They, still to this day, talk about playing games with each other over the camera.

It's wasn't until April of 2007 that I decided that I would personally introduce myself and Sean to Jay's children (and Sean to Jay). We flew to Chicago for this and also because one of Jay's and my mutual friends were having a baptism for their son. This was a perfect opportunity for us to meet. Also, my mom, dad (technically step-dad, Dean, but he's my dad), older sister, Laurie, and Vaughn, my nephew decided to come to the Chicagoland area. This of course was quite the experience for Jay and his children. Not only was it the first time for the kids meeting me in person, but they were also going to have to meet my parents, one of my sisters, and my nephew.

Things worked out perfectly. After the first few days there Sean and I left traveled on to Jay's townhouse (my family went back to Michigan). We didn't have the entire time with Jay's kids, but when we did it was much more comfortable. Also, Jay got me back for the meeting the parents and sister thing by subjecting me to his entire family. It was Justice's 3rd birthday party and I got to meet Jay's parents, two of his siblings, his Aunt Debbi and Uncle Danny, and his Grandma and Grandpa Kruger.

We had a ton of fun, even though I felt I was not welcome at all. Saying that, later on (I mean years later) Jay's mom told me that she and her mother feared that I was like Jay's ex-wife. I told her I didn't talk much just because I was scared. I guess some of my shyness has continued on from my childhood.

Since then I got to meet Jay's Great Grandma Eastham, who passed away in November of 2008, just a month after my Grandma Covieo's untimely passing. Irene (Great Grandma Eastham) was one spunky lady. I loved sitting with her, Melody, Grandma Nancy (Jay's Grandma Kruger), Aunt Debbi, and Mary just chatting away. She told me some seriously funny stories, which I will have to share another time because if I do it now I will have nothing to blog about later.

Over the time Jay's family and I have become quite close. I actually relate them to my mom's side of the family, which is who I relate to most. They can be loud. They can be rude. They can occasionally hurt another's feelings. They can be giving. They can be caring. They can be stubborn. They can be overall annoying. But through all of this, they are loving. They love you for who you are. Yes, they may want to change certain things about you, but they will never change the true person you are.

This description applies directly to my family as well. I love the Reed family get-togethers which have at least 50 people on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter (wow, funny enough I never really thought of myself as that religious, but I always make sure Christmas comes before Easter. Life before death, right?). Us Reeds are loud as loud can be. But, for some reason, we all understand all of the conversations that are going on around us. I love going to family get togethers and having to sit on the floor or on a stool. When my cousin Chad, who is like a brother/best friend to me, introduced me to his girlfriend, Theresa (now his wife) I knew immediately she would fit in. Also, I believe, after only knowing her for a weekend, I thought of her as one of my best friends. I could picture her as a child doing the things that Melissa, Chad, Christopher, Shane, Gina, and I would do. More often Melissa, Chad, Christopher, and I. I hate to say it, but when you have a family as big as ours cliques tend to form.

I'm hoping that I am the Theresa to Jay's family that Theresa is to mine. I love hanging out with Jay's mom. Yes, I said it, I really like my soon to be mother-in-law. Melody is a wonderful person with an exceptionally large heart. I am proud to say that I am not only her son's fiance, but hopefully one of her good friends.

Wow, sidebar note, this blog has turned into a novelette. I didn't think I would end up writing so much about how I don't like me. Actually it ended up about how much I like other people. With that thought I am going to conclude. I believe tomorrow's post will be similar to these, in the family sense. I think I will blog about my mother (she's going to kill me!).