What's up?

When I wake in the morning and I step outside

I take a deep breath and I get real high

Screaming from the top of my lungs

What's going on?

And I say

Hey yay yay yay Hey yay yay

I say Hey, what's going on?

Yes I would desperately like to thank the 4 Non Blondes for that wonderful song. It makes me think about how happy I am when I sing it during karaoke. Yes, I do sing karaoke, and no, I'm not very good at it.

This morning has so far started out absolutely wonderfully. Jay actually got up without much trying from me and was on the road early to run a few errands. Me, on the other hand, do not want to leave the comfort of my bed and lap-top and go work out. So actually blogging two days in a row is my excuse for being lazy.

So what should today's subject be? Yesterday it was friends and love. Today it should be my complete and total hatred of the employment situation in America.

I don't see myself as a stupid person. Yes, I don't have a Bachelor's degree and no, I'm not going to school anymore to improve on that. This being said I do at least have an Associate's degree and ten years experience in the United States Army. You think that would get me somewhere. Well, I hate to break it to all of you out there who think veteran's get a free ride, but we don't.

I can't get a job even at the local gas station because they tell me that I have too much experience. Well, too much experience is better than nothing so give me the gosh darn job!

And of course it doesn't help that I really can't explain what I did in the Army to most people because a big chunk of it was classified. All I really can say is that I talked to local nationals while I was in Iraq and tried to get intelligence information from them. From there I reported the information and if it was substantial some infantrymen would be sent out to take care of it. Other than that I can tell them I was a glorified secretary wearing a uniform. And let me tell you, I'm one damn good secretary, but I can't even get a job doing that.

Well I believe that is all for today. Let's end it with the real 4 Non Blondes

OH I forgot

I guess in addition to my earlier blog I want to add a video that Jay's younger brother Ethan shared with me on facebook. It is absolutely wonderful. Of course, if you're not a Charlie Sheen fan this does not apply to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg7Ub09gPg4&feature=player_embedded

Yes, I know!

Yes, I have to admit I'm not much of a blogger. No, it does not mean that I don't care to share my view with all of you. I guess that I have found that it is much easier to have numerous daily status reports on facebook and twitter than it is to actually blog my extremely boring life to you. But it does not mean that I don't love my very few blog followers that I have.

Life has been extremely boring as usual. Things have gotten a little more interesting because Jay and I have finally had over a month of having absolute total happiness and bliss. It's not that we haven't always loved each other and known that we are going to be together, but there was much uneasiness over the last few months. I believe most of it has been because of the extremely difficult financial situation we have been in.

I have found that for the last month and a half I have been much happier than I have been in a long time. I can't understand exactly why, but I have a few ideas what could be causing it. I do know that I am truly enjoying this time without depression. I never realized how truly depressed I was until the last year or two. I know I have had periods of depression throughout my life, but never realized how much it truly effects me.

I've always thought of myself as an extremely happy person, but I've found to realize that it is more a show for others than it is true happiness. I believe that I may have ruined many relationships because of this and I am not going to let that happen anymore.

My biggest concern right now is my relationship with Jay. I love him more than any other person I have ever been in a relationship with. A great example of this is the fact that we have been together for five years. I never had a relationship for even half of that time before.

I'm also happy that I have mended many relationships that I ruined early on in my life. I have found friends that I had lost in high school and have realized why they were my friends in the first place. Kelly and Stephanie are two wonderful examples of this. Even though we only speak through facebook I have found that I look forward to their posts everyday. It makes me remember what absolutely wonderful people they are. Also to my many Army friends I have kept in contact with. If I still speak to you, even if it is only a few times a month, I do truly appreciate the friends you are to me. There are only a few that I truly feel this way about and that is Dibben, Brandon, Miranda, Gary, Adina, yet another Miranda, Spiro, and Maldy. I may not tell you all, but I truly cherish your friendship.

Well, I believe that is all. I'm going to go and play on facebook and watch some tv. I'm also going to keep my fingers crossed for Jay or I hoping one of us moves on to phase three of Charlie's internship.

I hope this isn't harsh

I know that I do not blog very often, but this my friends is something I feel strongly about. I filed for disability through the VA because of my knee and was told that I did indeed have a service related disability, but I would be receiving 0% compensation. Well this is my letter that I wrote tonight for my appeal. Do you think it will fly?

Dear N.D. Stokes and other board members:

I have thought hard about your decision to grant me 0% compensation and I believe that I deserve more. I understand that my knee is not constantly swollen and does not seem to be that much of a hassle, but you do not experience the pain that I experience because of it. My son is eight years old and I am unable to run along with him because my knee jars with pain. Each time I try to run with my son I am basically debilitated for two to three days afterwards.

There are some nights when I can’t sleep at all because of the pain that is radiating from my knee. My fiancé has to be careful about how he cuddles with me because he does not want to cause me pain. I have to put a pillow under my knee in order to fall asleep a lot of nights.

Yes I may have full flexion and rotation of the knee, but the doctor also told me that I would need to get some old style surgery to get it fixed. He told me that I would need for the patella to be moved into the proper place and the cartilage shaved to where it needs to be and re-arrange the whole thing. He said it wouldn’t be just a little punch here and a little hole there. My knee needs a lot of work.

I deal with it. I dealt with it while I was in the Army. You know that I was told that, “if you just run it out of you it won’t hurt any more.” That came from a physical therapist who didn’t want to deal with yet another female soldier with knee problems.

I spent my first three years in the Army at Fort Bragg. Home of the Airborne – Hua! But, the biggest problem was, even though we weren’t a 100% Airborne unit, we would still run like one. Mondays were 3 milers. Wednesdays were 5 milers. Then there was my favorite; Friday, which was generally a 6 to 8 mile company run. You can’t complain about that. It doesn’t matter if you’re on profile or just slow. You are going to do it. My knee was slowly going, but it wasn’t going to be left behind at Fort Bragg.

When I arrived at Fort Huachuca, Arizona I was pregnant with my son. I did all of the physical training (PT) they offered pregnant soldiers, most importantly the pool therapy. After I had my son I not only lost the pregnancy weight, but I also lost twenty additional pounds. I was the same weight I was when I was 16. It was a wonderful feeling, but that darn left knee kept me down. About six months after I had my son I went to sick call because my knee was really bothering me. About every three months I went to the same Physician’s Assistant (PA) who told me, “that it was anterior knee pain and we better get you on profile.” It was me who asked to be seen by the physical therapist because when I was at Ft. Huachuca in `98 a physical therapist helped me through some trouble with my shoulder and I knew they could show me the way.

That way was lost in 1998 because when I showed up at the physical therapist’s door he already had a piece of paper in his hand and was ready to tell me what was wrong. The therapist did no therapy. He didn’t want to because it was a knee and either you have surgery or you don’t. He told me that it was a basic problem runners have and the best thing to do was to run through the pain. I never went to that physical therapist again, not because it was my choice, but because he said that it wasn’t that bad.

So there I was. I was still broken and in pain. By this time I had been promoted to Sergeant and I needed to get ready to go to Primary Leadership Development Course (PLDC), but PLDC wouldn’t take me because I was on a temporary profile. Something needed to be done. I wasn’t going to let my knee hinder my advancement in the Army. I told my PA that something needed to be done. He said, “Okay. Let’s get you a permanent profile so you can go to PLDC.” Wonderful, I get to be the girl who can’t run on a PT test. Well, good news is I can walk like the wind blows.

So that was 2003. I was off to PLDC and came back Honor Grad, even though I couldn’t run. There were many difficulties I faced because I couldn’t run. Certain field operations I was left behind because of my profile. I became the profile Non Commissioned Officer (NCO). Profile NCO is not a fun job. People looked down on me because I wasn’t 100%. I wasn’t allowed to do things because I wasn’t 100%. I was made fun of because I couldn’t run.

Through all of this I dealt with the constant pain my knee delivered. I did not give up on my duties or fail to make the cut. I always gave my 100% even when my 100% wasn’t good enough.

Here I am now. Only three years after getting out of the Army. Wishing I could show my son some of the cool maneuvers we learned when I was in Basic Training, but I can’t. It’s not because I’m old, but it is because I am broken and nobody wanted to fix me.

Yes I may have full flexion and rotation in my knee, but you don’t see the pain. You don’t hear the pain. Each time I walk down a step I have a click in my knee. If I stand too long I have to pop my knee otherwise it locks in place. Doctors don’t see this because they are not with me everyday. They don’t hear the clicks, pops, and grinds my knee makes on a daily basis. A doctor does not see me when I wake up because it feels like I just got shot in the knee. I cannot sit for more than 15 minutes without pain starting to radiate through my knee. I’m constantly adjusting how I am sitting to make myself more comfortable. I am only 32 years old and I have been dealing with this pain since I was in my early twenties. I just want to get what I deserve. I want someone for once to understand that I was wronged years ago. If only one person would have actually listened and cared for what I was going through, then maybe I wouldn’t be dealing with the pain I have today.

Sincerely yours,

Kristen Covieo

USA Veteran ’97-‘07

Holy nice weather Batman

Okay, so I haven't been here, but I have had a great excuse. I've started school again and it seems that I am doing pretty well. Some may not believe that it is a real school and won't count towards anything, but if it gets me my Bachelor's degree in Psychology then I will be quite happy. The classes are only five weeks long and it is only one at a time. Talk about stress free. I'm so happy that I am able to attend school and still attend to my family. The fact that I was able to complete my schoolwork and attend classes while I was having fun at Disney World really made the school worthwhile to me. This is my last week of my first class and so far I'm sporting a big giant A. Now of course I'm upset that I don't have a perfect 100%, but I guess a 99.4% is good enough for me. Yeah, I know that I am settling, but I promise to do better next class.

Now on to the weather. Unbelievably it is supposed to be 73 beautiful degrees here in Marengo today. So what are the plans? Nothing. That's right I said it. I'm going to do nothing. Nothing that is while setting out in the sun enjoying today. I'm going to be lazy and enjoy the birds singing and the squirrels running through the yard. I'm not going to do any yard work, but I will complain to myself about the state of the yard. I'm going to send Sean out to enjoy the weather, but warn him to leave me alone in my bliss.

Oh what a beautiful morning.

Blah

That's really all I can think of to say about how life has been for the last week or so. Blah. I try my best to make it different, but it always ends up being the same. Blah. I smile around others, but when at home I am just blah.

Headaches, rain, and then finally a little good news

So it seems that I've had a headache for the last two weeks. I guess some of it is understandable due to the lovely gash that was in my forehead, but the rest of it was just wonderful migraines resurfacing again. It seems just when I think that I will have a break from these lovely things one decides to pop up. Then they are always at the worst time. Either I wake up to one in the morning or I get one just before I want to go to bed and then can't sleep. So between the migraines and the other pain in my head I haven't been sleeping much and I've been one crabby girl.

Then there is the weather the last couple of days. I don't think it could be any windier here right now unless we were in the middle of a tornado or a hurricane. The rain is just annoying too. I'd like it to stop so I can hopefully cut the grass for the last time this year. The plans are to cut it and then rake it and fill plastic bags that look like pumpkins for Halloween decorations this year. I'm going cheap. But because of the stupid rain I can't do that. Then also because of the stupid rain my knee has been killing me. I've been popping Motrin 800 like it's candy because of the pain. Oh please rain, rain, go away. Come again when I'm willing to play.

Then finally good news. I went to the doctor today. Generally I think that is always bad having to go to the doctor, but today I didn't avoid it. It seems that I have been in and out of the doctor's office at least ten times in the last month. But with this visit it seems that may actually stop for a little bit. I actually don't have to be seen again until the end of November and we are also changing my prescriptions to hopefully make it back to only getting check ups once a year. With as much as I hate going to the doctor and getting poked and prodded I am very grateful for this possible turn.

Now I have nothing more to say so I plan on putting Sean to bed and then filling the tub up with nice hot sudsy water so I can soak and have a glass of wine. Actually my doctor told me to do that more often to help with my stress levels. She said there was nothing wrong with one to two glasses of wine every night. I love doctors like that.